Rodney Dangerfield (actually
born Jack Cohen) was born into the tradition of comedic entertainment.† His father was a famous vaudevillian and
traveled the country entertaining people.†
However, after trying to get into the business under the stage name Jack
Roy, he decided to change it to the edgier Rodney Dangerfield.
And it was under this name
that a truly ugly man, became very loved and extraordinarily famous.
With the recent passing of
this great comedian, we get a chance to look back at his great career, which
produced some of the cleverest one linerís ever delivered by any modern
American humorist. Rodney Dangerfield jokes are as unique as they are
funny.† Of course many of the following
are more like, Rodney Dangerfield quotes taken out of context as Rodney
Dangerfield jokes, but they are still very funny.
- I was so poor growing up... If I wasnít born a
boy... Iíd have nothing to play with.
- A girl phoned me the other day and said...
"Come on over, thereís nobody home." I went over. Nobody was
- During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk
to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
- One day as I came home early from work, I saw a
guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing
that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
- Itís been a rough day. I got up this morning,
put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the
handle came off. Iím afraid to go to the bathroom.
- I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the
sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath
toys were a toaster and a radio.
- I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast
fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
- Iím so ugly. My father carries around the
picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
- When I was born, the doctor came out to the
waiting room and said to my father, Iím very sorry. We did everything we
could. But he pulled through.
- Iím so ugly, my mother had morning sickness
after I was born.
- I remember the time I was kidnapped and they
sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
- Once when I was lost I saw a policeman, and
asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think
weíll ever find them?" He said, "I donít know kid, there are so
many places they can hide."
- My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off
- Iím so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people
kept asking how big Iíd get.
- I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every
morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up;
Whatís wrong with me?" He said, "I donít know but your eyesight
- I went to the doctor because Iíd accidentally
swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills. My, doctor told me to have a
few drinks and get some rest.
As you can see, Rodney may
have had a few neuroses, but all in all they made him a lot of money and
garnered him with a lot of fame.† This
truly funny man will be missed by anyone who likes a great self-effacing joke,
and really, isnít that just about everyone?