Suggestions For New Holidays and Celebrations
Some people might take this to mean: Ideas for the holidays. Those people are lame and they lack the imagination to really make the world a better place. What would make the world a better place are ideas for new holidays. We want and deserve new holidays and until we come up with some good ideas, the powers that be will never give them to us. Here are a few new Holidays that should get this snowball rolling.
Emancipation Day
How is this not a holiday?! We could celebrate it on the day that Abe Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation and thus freed American slaves. It was a very important day for a significant percent of the population. And even better, only black people should get the day off. I think that would be fair. Hey get one day a year of freedom to make up for hundreds of years of slavery…okay, it’s a start.
Monday
Obviously Monday should be a holiday. It is the worst day of the week by far, and nobody should have to suffer through it. Even better, we could change the name Monday to Funday, sounds great to me.
Lactose Intolerance Day
They are the fastest growing segment of the population and it is time that their cries for help are answered. Not that their cries for help are ignored, in fact they are hard to ignore considering these cries often escape from some place other than their mouths.
No longer will the accusation of ‘who cut the cheese’ refer to that poor soul who just couldn’t stop from cutting into a sweaty hunk of havarti. As a civilization we need to recognize that lactose intolerance hurts everyone.
Tuesday
Have you ever noticed that all of the best discounts are on Tuesday’s? For real! It’s like; how an I going to get the most out of two dollar taco Tuesday’s if I’m stuck at my freaking desk all day? Plus, movies have cheap movies on Tuesday. I say we do it. It will help the economy.
Wednesday
Obviously Wednesday should be a holiday. It’s hump day after all, the day when despair wanes and hope is not yet a glimmer on the horizon. It’s like purgatory!
Teen Plastic Surgery Day
There comes a time in every 14 year olds life when they realize that they simply aren’t feeling as good on the inside as they would like. And we all know that the best way to feel good on the inside is to look fabulous on the outside. hide
Home
