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Tara Reid and Her Breasts

The breast terror isn't over.  Tara Reid, a blonde bombshell who appeared in such classics as American Pie or Body Shots, has scandalized the gentle American nation by exposing her left breast at P.Diddy's birthday party, in New York.   She was apparently taking off her coat when dress slippage occurred, revealing the ultimate weapon of mass destruction: female breast, complete, with a nipple!

Seems like breast-showing remains the best way to scandalize the whole nation, same nation that is -- without such awful provocations – already extremely tolerant and open-minded, to the extent that we let ourselves be ruled by a giant chimpanzee.   

Back to Tara.  Tara Reid's breasts have been a topic of some controversy for a long time now, having graduated from measly A-cups to triple Ds (or something like that) over night, right after she turned 12, I mean, 18.  The breasts, it seemed, got even more publicity than any of Tara Reid's hair styles, the breasts were once a sure sign of Tara Reid's bad girl tendencies.

And now, the breasts are all over the place.  Tara Reid's breasts (or at least the left one) seem to have a mind (and a penchant for the camera) of their own.  They leave the dress when Tara's not looking, they stick their nipples at people, forever offending whoever's looking with their smiley face roundness and smiley face perkiness.

Tara Reid's breasts must be stopped!

Don't you remember what happened when that other weapon of mass destruction showed up during Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction?  How many wonderful American's we lost due to cardiac arrests and trauma when the breast made an appearance during the Superbowl 2003?  We should know better than let breasts offend people like that.  Those crazed Iraqi's prance around in shirtless and barely legal, with homemade guns, and we seem to be taking care of that just fine but we can't stop a goddamned breast?  What's wrong with us?

I have no idea if Tara Reid's reading this but if she is, I want her to know that just because she is so incredibly famous since she starred in the genius drama  My boss's daughter (I don't want to spoil it but it's about a guy who has a crush about boss's daughter) that was nominated for eleven Academy  Awards, she doesn't have the right to crush her admires and regular folk alike by breastorizzing left and right.