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’Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen and Dave

When Guitar Gods Marry, I Shed a Little Tear

By Oliver T. Roxalot

I always though reality TV was garbage, you have stuff like Survivor, where a whole bunch of nobodies stay on some island that I’ve never heard of and try to ’survive’ or some shit or The Apprentice where the dude with the bad combover fires some dumb people, it was all things I could never get into.

But that all changed when the show ’Til Death Do Us Part went on the air.  Reality TV show was always about people I couldn’t care less about but this show was different because it was about Dave Navarro, truly one of the greatest guitar players of the last twenty years.

Even though it’s about his girly wedding with super-hot babe, Carmen Elektra, a reality TV show about Dave Navarro is only a good thing.  How could you not want to watch a show about the man that came up with the riff to Mountain Song?  You know the one I’m talking about, DUH-NUH, DUH-NUH, DUH-NUH-NUH-NUH, DA-DA-DA-DA!

Yeah, now you’re banging your head.

You know, I’ve always wanted to be a rock star and if I could be any rock star, it would be Keith Richards.  But if I couldn’t be Keith Richards, I’d definitely consider being Dave Navarro.  From his bad-ass guitar riffs to his wicked goth-punk style and his awesome pierced nipples, Dave Navarro is the shiznit!

And even though rock stars and guitar gods are never supposed to get married because they’re too busy getting tail from everywhere around the world, I gotta say I’m cool with Dave getting married and showing it on TV.  That’s because any exposure that Dave Navarro gets is only good.  Rolling Stone doesn’t even list him as one of the hundred greatest guitarist of all time but they have Jack freaking White on there?  Jack White?  I call bullshit on that.

But anyway, Dave Navarro’s reality TV show is cool.  Even though he doesn’t play a lot of guitar on it, I guess I can understand.  There’s not a whole lot of time for shredding on the six string when you’re busy making wedding preparations, particularly if you’re responsible.  And Dave’s responsible now, he’s no longer on the heroin train or scribbling messages to Fiona Apple with his own blood at the Playboy Mansion.  No Dave’s whipped and shit, now, and that’s cool.   I guess.  I don’t really approve of his playing guitar with Christina Aguillera and Alanis Morrissette, but I’m sure he’s just doing it for the money.  And you know rock stars like him have a lot of debts to pay, a lot.

So, take my advice and watch ’Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen and Dave.  There’s no crazy guitar soloing going on, but there’s other things: like picking a wedding cake and figuring out where the members of Jane’s Addiction and the Red Hot Chili Peppers are going to sit at the wedding.

So, to end this little rant of mine, I’m going to quote the godfather of grunge, Neil Young: ”Hey, hey, my, my…”

About the Author:

Oliver T. Roxalot was born Percy Bernstein and aspires to be a rock star.  His favorite band is Van Halen and he has spent the last couple of years training to become a guitar god.  Although he does not actually know how to play guitar or any other instrument, Oliver is convinced that he is a rock star and has a variety of wicked guitar faces that he can bust out at any time.