Weddings and Dating

You try not to do it; start envisioning standing next to him at the altar in your beautiful white dress… I mean, come on—you’re on your second date for cryin’ out loud! Weddings are just unavoidable when it comes to dating because when you’re dating and still looking for Mr. Right; weddings are a touchy subject. Why? If you’ve been dating for awhile, you can’t help but get a little crusty and wonder when it’ll happen for you. Then there is the inevitable task of being a bridesmaid and feeling like never a bride! What else? You get invited to a wedding and either have to go stag and end up at the kids table while smug married people ask you why you’re still single or you start the mad run in search of someone to take with you so you don’t look like an old spinster but then worry that the guy you’ve asked will think you’re desperate and that it’s too early in your relationship to be asking him to something like a wedding. Sigh. It’s a vicious little cycle isn’t it??

To preserve your sanity over the course of your dating life, you’re going to need make a few changes in your thinking if you want to make it out in one, emotionally stable piece.  First, you need to start telling yourself that weddings don’t need to be such a major source of stress—not your wedding or anyone else’s. Yes, you want to find Mr. Right, but you don’t know when that’s actually going to happen and Murphy’s Law says that it’’ happen when you least expect it and stop looking for it, so why stress? There’s no sense in worrying about the things that you can’t really control. Date in hopes of finding someone incredible, not in hopes of a wedding sooner rather than later.

Now for the dilemma of other people’s weddings…You also need to start seeing that in another and more positive light. First of all, as hard as it can be to go stag to yet another wedding, try to suck it up and make the most of it. See it for what it can be; an opportunity to eat, dance and be merry…and possibly meet some men. As for those married people or well-meaning friends and family who want to know why you’re alone ‘again’, just smile and say ‘because I wanted to have a good time tonight”. That’s it. You don’t even owe them that much let alone an explanation or apology. Being single at any age is not a crime, but being married to the wrong man for the wrong reasons should be! And as for the dilemma of whether or not to ask the guy you’ve just barely started seeing, I wouldn’t bother. If he hasn’t met your family and friends yet, then taking him to a wedding where he’ll have to meet everyone you know could prove a tad overwhelming (understatement!). If it’s not going to be overflowing with members of your own family, you can always throw it out there casually and see if he invites himself along, but otherwise, I would opt to go alone or bring a good friend instead and just enjoy the party.